Monday, September 5, 2011

Make a Change

I am not very good at taking my own advice. I absolutely stink at listening to myself. Sure, I’m a pro at the whole standing on the soapbox thing, preaching to those who will stand and listen and running after those who won’t. I’m a pro because I’ve had lots of practice. I’ve been talking and voicing my opinion all my life. I used to get in trouble, in fact, for talking so much. At home. In school. In church. Everywhere. My fifth grade report card came home with a personal note from the teacher: “Tammie is a joy, but needs to refrain from talking.” I figured out as I grew older how to work my penchant for words and need for an audience to my advantage. As an adult I have a job where I get paid to talk and a hobby where I can do so uninterrupted, word count be damned. It doesn’t matter anymore if I talk too much. People pay me, in fact, to do so. So I talk and while I’m doing that talking, I do a lot of preaching. I preach messages of loving one another, of loving yourself, and of heading out the door each day with the aim of making both a little better.

I do all this preaching because I care about the well-being of the planet and the people on it. I care about the physical health of each, and I care about the emotional health. Honestly, though, and just confessing here, I’m not so compassionate on an individual level. I know that’s somewhat difficult to understand, but it’s like this. I could really give a shit whether you, personally, enjoy your days or not, but the likelihood is that if you’re happy and thriving in your life then you will take that attitude and spread it around to others so that, as a whole, we’re a happier, healthier planet. We all feel really great physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and have wonderful things to pass on to one another. We live in a better world. So, I care about you, but only to the extent of you doing your part for world peace, hunger, health, whatever.

Not to sound crass.

While I’m out there doing all that preaching, one of my go-to sermons is that of choice. I throw my hands in the air, look around at the crowd, and say in that loud booming voice I have that if there is something bringing you down, brother, something weighing on your heart, something pressing on your chest as the earth itself then, glory to God, look around at the CHOICES in your life and MAKE a change. Hallelujah! Because choice is there, brother. Choice is always there. Like the Lord Himself. Look around. And MAKE that change. The Lord did not PUT you here to hide in the darkness. No. He put you here to take your light out into the world and lift UP your brothers and your sisters. He PUT you here to take that light of yours out into the world and let it shine. Come out of that darkness, brother, and MAKE that change. Hallelujah!!

I say the words, and I mean them, but I don’t listen.

I do have something in my life right now that is bringing me down, that is weighing on my heart, pressing on my chest as the earth itself. I do have something in my life right now that is keeping me from spreading all of my light, that is keeping me from loving all and from loving myself completely. And, yet, I am allowing it. I am not making that change. I am not looking at the choices. I am hiding in the darkness. I am afraid to come out.

I have decided to handle this issue, to face it, to come to terms with it in whatever form those terms may take. I will do with it first what I do with all of my problems. I will put it into my head. I will think on it and ponder why it is in my life. I will analyze it as only I can analyze. Before I study the choices, then, I need to learn why this issue has presented itself to me. I believe all that we hear, all we experience, and all that comes to us comes for a reason. I believe that we agree to our life paths before we come to this world in physical form. I believe that we agree to certain experiences, be they hardship or pleasure, in order to learn valuable lessons for maximum soul growth. We agree to these lessons. We accept them. And then we charge ahead. I have to look at the situation in my life and ask, “What is the lesson here? Why is this issue in my life? What am I to learn from it and why am I to learn that? How am I to use this bit of education to benefit those around me?”

Just know that I am not yet prepared to divulge the specifics of the situation itself. I am not ready at this point to bare myself to my readers. Perhaps that is an essay to come. Very possibly it will lead to a thought that will lead to an essay. For now, it is enough for you to know that you are not receiving my full light and that I apologize for that. It is enough for you to know that I have put my learner hat on and am cramming for the exam on this particular chapter in my life. It is enough for you to know that I am discerning why this has come to me and how on God’s beloved earth I can make it of benefit to ANYone.

I am wondering if you have an issue that is weighing on your chest, an issue that is keeping you in the darkness, keeping you from shining your light.

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