Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Come Here Often?

I love my life, I do, but in a let’s-be-friends sort of way. We’re comfortable together. We know each other. We can hang out for huge amounts of time in complete silence and be absolutely fine. But I’m not sure I want to share a toothbrush drawer.

I’m looking for a little more flexibility in a life, a little more excitement, something to keep my brain interested, stimulated, totally charged. I’m not looking to settle down, but to mess around a bit, to be able to move on when things get old. And just so happens I’m at that point right now. Time to put on my sexiest dress, a little bit of lipstick, step on out, and see what happens.

Just confessing, I have nothing really to complain about. I have a wonderful home with a wonderful job and a wonderful amount of time to do all the wonderful things I love to do. I have four wonderful kids who are each at a point in their lives where they are pursuing the things they love to do. As a mother, that’s wonderful to see. I have a husband who loves me more than life itself and who couldn’t exist without me. Or so I’ve told him. I have good friends, good neighbors, and plenty of good books. I’m contributing to the world. I’m making a difference in the lives of others. I have my health, and I have my mind. So, I gotta find something to complain about? (Read that in a New York Jewish mother sort of way.)

Every since I was a little girl, I just never could be happy with good enough. I am a huge fan of stretching outside what others believe possible, of testing the limits, of going far beyond the perceived capable. Somebody draws a line in the sand, and I’m going to step over it. Yeah? So what are you going to do about it?! My life sort of goes like this----driven, driven, driven—plateau—driven, driven, driven---plateau--driven, driven, driven---plateau. Rinse and repeat. I am right now at one those plateaus. I am ready to feel driven once again. I am ready to buckle up, hold on tight and fly wherever that road might take me. Only here’s the deal. I’m not exactly sure where the road is headed this time. It’s like I’m driving at night, and I’m one of those Florida retirees who won’t get behind the wheel after five. I just can’t see where the hell I’m going. I need someone to Mapquest some directions for me and pronto. I’m ready. I am. The tank is full. I’ve checked the oil. The tires are great. But, for Pete’s sake, where is there?

So, this is what I’ve decided to do. I’ve decided to do SOMETHING in lieu of NOTHING. I may be flying at full speed in the wrong direction, but hey, I’m flying. Hence, the Thirty Day Compassion Challenge. I just needed a little something to shake things up, to help me step out of the rut in which I’ve found myself. The challenge is to complete one task each day for thirty days, spreading kindness and compassion along the way, reaching outside myself, stepping into the world in a positive way, searching for that new way of being, that new source of meaning. That’s the deal. And I promise to share any updated status or blog essays along the way.

So, honey, it’s been nice, but I need to start seeing other lives.

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