Thursday, March 6, 2014

What About "Now?"


Seems I am always waiting. Waiting for summer. Waiting to finish this darned degree. Waiting until the kids are out of the house. Waiting until I find an agent. Waiting for the stars to align and the Universe to decide it is ready for me to do what I came here to do. Waiting for other things I cannot share. With so much time spent waiting, I wonder, what about now?

What am I doing with my “Now?”

I told a friend once that I wanted to do great things on a massive scale. This was the picture I had for my life. She asked how it feels when I make a difference in just ONE life, when I know that I have helped a person with a pressing need. I replied that it feels good, but that I cannot WAIT to be able to do that sort of giving on a grand scale, cannot WAIT to throw my compassion and kindness out to the world in mass quantity. “Isn’t that a bit arrogant?” she asked. “You are discounting that one life. You are suggesting that for that ONE individual the kindness you showed does not matter.” She had a point.

If I go out into the world and impact three lives, the world has changed in a positive way for those three individuals. That is NOT insignificant. Still, I want to move the masses dammit. I want to positively impact so many lives I have completely lost count. I want to make a difference.

So here I sit. Waiting. Waiting for the opportunity to do just that.

But what about “Now?” What could I do with my “Now?”

I have tried various tactics during my years on this earth to make things happen. I have tried pushing forward, plowing through obstacles. I have tried strategizing, plotting, navigating. I have tried sitting back and allowing, letting the Universe work through me as it will. And still, I have not changed the world. If I have in my head that this is why I am here, to positively impact huge numbers of people, then when is this magic supposed to happen? Am I to be content, I wonder, with the accomplishments I HAVE achieved, with the positive impact I HAVE made, the change that I HAVE effected? Am I to continue to WAIT for all aspects of my life to be perfectly in order, for the Universe to offer me a sign, an opportunity, a synchronistic meeting of events that align just perfectly that I might get on with my life mission, a big fat flashing pointing neon sign that reads, “This is it, sweetheart. Get your big girl panties on, and get ready. It’s gonna be a heck of a ride.”? Or, do I hop up off my fantabulous fanny and do, to paraphrase the great Teddy Roosevelt, what I can with what I have from this spot right here?

I think I will choose the latter.

My friend was right. If I can positively change the world for just one individual, I have done a good thing. Still, I cannot help but to think what would happen if I were to encourage others to positively change the world for just one individual? What if I could move others to go out into THEIR worlds and lift a neighbor or friend or stranger? Have I not, then, changed the world for the better for each individual who receives help? Have I not, also, taught others the joy in giving, the happiness that comes from helping a fellow human being? Have I not, in process of reaching out on a bigger scale, helped those who are doing the helping? I think I like the sound of this. Maybe, I CAN positively impact the masses. Maybe I can do big things, beginning "Now," right from this window seat in my corner cafe.

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