Thursday, January 7, 2016

No More Playing Small

Am I running away from myself or running toward myself? I haven’t yet decided. I have begun a list of fun things to try in the coming year. I let others help compile the list, so the items are not exactly what I might have chosen. If I had constructed the list, the challenges would have been less challenge and more baby step left of ratty old comfort zone. As it is, the tasks are nothing extreme but nothing I would have penned on my own.

They are a fun mix of mind, body, and spirit, these challenges of mine. I will learn to read Tarot cards, take a yoga class, and work toward becoming a Reiki master. My metaphysical side has been like the toddler, lately, crying at my side, grabbing my shirtsleeves, begging for a piece of my time. It will be good to let it out to play, to run and have some fun. The physical challenges, however—horseback riding, learning a new sport, taking a spinning class—are more than intimidating and tasks I’d prefer to keep in time out. I am not much one for sweat. Or exertion. Or looking a fool. Perhaps I will save these for last. I will also grow my mind while working my way through this list. I will complete a reading challenge and learn a bit of Italian. Oh, my gosh, the fun! I am all about the mind. I am about the mind, however, often to the exclusion of the rest. My list will help me learn to balance my life.

Maybe I am running toward myself, after all. I am a giver. Through random acts of wildflower planting and helping to build a house for Habitat for Humanity, I will have opportunity to be more of the giver I am. I am a free spirit. Fingerpainting, ziplining, throwing a bit of pottery will help me to say hello again to the artsy, creative, fun-natured little girl inside of me. I am spiritual. Walking a labyrinth and experiencing a sensory deprivation tank will help me to quiet my mile-a-minute mind and to center myself in an, otherwise, out-of-my-control world. My challenges are me in super fun form.

Routine and habit become all too easily what is convenient for or appeasing to others. We get comfortable. It is easy to be comfortable. When we are comfortable we stop growing, we stop learning. We go from living and thriving, our roots begging to break free, to staying in the same pot in which we were planted, happy to stay small, content to be little. I don’t want to stay in that same pot. I don't want to be small. I want to be the beautiful, loving, living creature God brought me here to be. Alrighty, then, game on.

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