Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Help! I Need a GPS for My Life

I feel lost and directionless. I feel this, perhaps, for the first time since birth. Life has always been a piece of directional cake for me. You know those people who just seem to know what they want and move forward to get it? They plow ahead despite the obstacles. They plot their course and, come hell or high water, they make their way through that course to the desired port. Storms, pirate ships, holes in the hull, lack of knowledge on how to sail the damn boat, nothing will stop them from delivering the goods they know they are here to share. That’s been my life. That’s been me. Only now, my compass is broken and my ship’s a mess.

This is the current theme of my life. You know this. I have written on it.

I find myself standing, now, in one of those alien movies. I look around and recognize nothing from where I stand. This seems to be my life but I have no idea where I am, where to go, or who is with me and who is not. People I thought were on my side now have distorted faces and snake-like hands. Their speech is muddled and foreign. I cannot hear. I look around, search for the familiar, the friendly, the ally. I’m just not sure. I’m not sure who is true and who will turn. And I cannot, for the life of me, figure out which way to go. I stand frozen and confused, still in my tracks, unable to lift my feet, unable to turn my head.

Cue the fairy godmother. Where the hell is my fairy godmother? Every movie has one of those.

Friends tell me to be content in just being. Please. I haven’t just been since I was in the womb. Even then, I am certain I caused a good degree of rib damage and heartburn. I mean, I’m down with all that deep breathing, sending out groovy vibes, and manifesting hullabaloo but where in the metaphysical journal are the directions for how to send out intentions when you don’t know what intentions you are supposed to be sending out?

Just be. Just allow. Okay, fine. But what do I do while I am allowing? My ship can’t just sit out in the middle of the water twiddling its thumbs waiting on the universe to push it this way or that. It can’t sit out there thinking how much it would like to go someplace but just waiting for a good strong wind to take it there.

And where would it go anyway? So many paths, so many directions, no sight of land. It’s a beautiful sky and a beautiful ground. I’ll give it that. Patience with me, please, as I do my best to sail this ship without actually touching the wheel. Patience as I let go and allow a greater force than mine to lead the way.


3 comments:

  1. Beautifully written! This is exactly how I've been feeling about my life lately.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Here's to hoping we end up someplace we like.

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  2. Beautifully written! This is exactly how I've been feeling about my life lately.

    ReplyDelete